7. RELEASING THE PAST
So we’ve explored the relationship we have with ourselves and the relationships we currently have with those in our lives. Perhaps you have already gained some insight on relationships you may want to start prioritising and some that you may want to take a step back from.
As with anything in life — things can be a lot more complicated than that. Sometimes we have relationships in our lives that bring us pain, but we love them right to our very core. Long-term relationships or those that we share with family usually live within this space. We can love them with every ounce of our being — but find them painful to be around. Perhaps even, there is some resentment you hold towards them for past doings.
You are not alone. Many of us hold resentment in our heart for things that have happened in past relationships. In some cases we may have moved past this experience but may still b e carrying it with us in our heart. Things that have happened long ago, particularly in our closest relationships can be tricky to navigate. We can end up unknowing carrying this hurt with us in new relationships, where it does not belong.
You are more than your past experiences. They do not define you or your worth. Each relationship carries the opportunity to be something entirely new — if we let go of what we are carrying from the past.
Our earliest relationships leave a lasting imprint on our minds. The dynamics within them tend to play out in our romantic relationships as we age. It is in no way your fault for whatever that dynamic was as a child, but now — as an adult you have ability and responsibility to acknowledge it, so that you break the cycle.
For a long time, I harboured resentment towards my father for wrong doings and feeling like he didn’t show up for our family. As I became an adult I noticed a pattern of men I was dating that were unavailable or incapable of meeting my needs. As I worked on forgiving my father and fostering a healthy relationship (one from afar) I was able to break this pattern.
We can heal a relationship with someone that may be toxic from afar. By no means am I suggesting rekindling a relationship with someone that is not good for your mental health. But it is very important to forgive the hurt you may hold in order to move past the situation. Even if it feels far away, if this person still bothers you or upsets you to talk about, it’s worth exploring what you may still be holding.
I’ve included a meditation below that works on a few different elements of release. It begins with cord cutting which is about separating our energy from someone that we may feel hurt by or harbouring resentment towards. The next release is about lifting the resentment from our own hearts and focusing on forgiveness. Try it below with someone you may be holding hurt from.
To dive deeper into what dynamics we may be holding on to from our past, use the journal prompts below:
Journal Prompts:
What was the relationship dynamic like with your mother? Was she available for you and able to meet your needs as a child?
What was the relationship dynamic like with your father? Was he available for you and able to meet your needs as a child?
Can you see any of those relationship dynamics within your romantic relationships?
If so what are they?