Learning to relax is accepting what is.
On a recent trip to Puerto Rico, I tried my luck surfing in some bigger waves further out past the shore break. That pretty much meant instead of my usual doggy paddling in the little wave breaks by the shore, we ventured much further out in an attempt to catch something a bit more brag worthy. Riding along on the back of a jet ski, I’d wait as my guide would eye up the waves from the distance, line us up ahead of the wave and hit the gas to get some momentum. Think of it like normal surfing, but with a cheat code to catch about 100 more waves than you would on a usual day. When he yelled ‘NOW!’ it was my cue to leap with the board tightly gripping in my hands into the water and scramble as quick as I could to get my balance and up to my feet. No time for thinking, just leaping into the great unknown of whether you, the board, the wave and your timing were all about to line up — or not.
For context.. I’ve always had this underlining fear of the ocean — this overwhelming feeling that I could get lost in the vastness of it. Somewhere in the back of my mind I’ve always felt so intimidated by the knowledge it could simply swallow me up and not spit me out.
As the day progressed I attempted to tackle bigger waves. My guide, lining me up for the biggest yet, shouted ‘NOW!’ — as I leapt forward, my foot slipped off the back of the jet ski and I lost my grip as I landed with the board. Being on the top of the wave and bailing means that it pushes you right down underneath with a fair bit more force than when you bail after it breaks. I felt my body pushed further and further down and panic started to electrify my body. Slow seconds stretch into what feels like minutes below the surface. My whole body tensed and my heart began to race. There is nothing more humbling that mother nature. When I reached the surface — I was totally shaken.
Pulling up on the ski to fetch me to try catch another wave (perk of the jetski surfing cheat code), I was clearly flustered and overwhelmed. I explained to him that I needed to take some time because I couldn’t stop thinking about the idea of getting stuck below the surface. He turned and told me “You need to relax. To try and think less.” He continued “When the wave pushes you down relax into being swept up, otherwise you waste your precious energy. Don’t resist it — lean into it. All you can do is try and calm the mind. Trust that you will come up.”
His words sounded cheap — oh great, I’ll just relax while I’m being thrown around under water? Couldn’t he understand how afraid I was? How could I relax? But despite my inner dialogue’s resistance, I still let his words sit in my mind. He was more experienced than me, and he certainly had taken much worse hits than I had, leaving room for the possibility that maybe, just maybe his words held truth.
The following day I went out again — this time accompanied by my fear of what had happened the day prior. Sure enough, like clockwork.. 3,2,1 '“NOW!”.. I leapt forward onto the board, gripping both sides and as I went to shift my weight to stand, my right hand lost it’s grip. Snatched under the tip of the wave, I got pushed down below again. I felt my body tense and heart begin to speed — and then I remembered the words “Relax. Don’t resist it — lean into it.”. And I felt myself just let go. I surrendered into the force of the wave, twisting and turning me about. There was a peace that washed over me that I have never felt before. The quiet calm that can only happen when we are faced with our ultimate fear. After a few more seconds passed I rose to the surface again.
Life is much like the ocean. Sometimes we ride the perfect wave — effortlessly. We glide through an experience with delight. Experiencing the pure thrill of when things go to plan. Other times we can’t catch a break, and sometimes we get pushed below. So far down that we start to question if we will surface again.
My words for you in whatever season you find yourself in — try to relax into it. See if you can release the resistance in your body and mind to what’s happening. To accept and make peace where you are. Because trying to force against it, usually just ends up depleting our precious energy. Know that — when life pushes you below, you will rise again.
Life is a series of us having to tackle our fears, take a deep breath and try again. You have jump into your life without knowing what experience will follow.
And that’s all that we can strive for — to try again. To try again and again and again. Not to get it right or to get it perfect or to try and avoid any discomfort along the way — but simply to get up and give it a go. To be brave enough to try without knowing exactly how things are going to go. To give it our best shot. Whatever that might look like. This time it was a wave for me, tomorrow who knows..