Feeling better or worse than others? Read this.
Welcome to the first series of an extended Modern Mind conversation. In this space, I’d like you to feel like a friend or family member that I’m sitting with after dinner, talking about life & how we’re navigating through it. Like any conversation — it is enriched by your response, so please feel welcomed to let me know your thoughts on the topics we explore.
Since I’ve returned to New York recently, I’ve adjusted back into the routine of seeing hundreds of faces every day on the street. As I move about the city, ride the subway or wait in line for food — I’ve been catching myself making judgements of those around me. Not always negative but just a fast paced thought stream, evaluating & categorising the people that I see.
Whether the conclusion of thoughts landed on it or not, the general theme was sorting people around in into one of three categories..
Better than me (ego feels bad)
Worse than me (ego feels great)
There about the same (ego feels threatened)
If this resonates with you, a powerful thought reframe to add when your meeting someone new, or perhaps find yourself judging another is to ask:
How am I similar to this person?
This line of thinking takes us from our state separation & immediately connects us. It can feel strange at first, particularly if we’ve had a strong judgement. Me? How could I be similar to this person? Sometimes the first similarity is merely that we are both human. Continue to build until you find a few. Feel the compassion and warmth for this person rise.
It’s such a beautiful experience to train ourselves to seek out similarities because we begin to acknowledge just how human we all are. We let this person be themselves, not what we decide they are. It can be tough for the ego to allow us to do this, because it feels good to feel better than other people. We are all incredibly unique in our traits & how we show up in the world. These differences are wonderful and add diversity to life, but no unique trait makes us any better than anyone else.
Sometimes the opposite is true. We can be used to finding all the reasons why someone is better than us. The same question cuts through this illusion:
How am I similar to this person?
Find one similarity, and then another. Keep building a list until you feel a little space enter your mind that whatever is possible for this person might just be possible for you too. Because it is.
Finding our similarities with things we’ve deemed to be so different to us dissolves the idea of separation in all instances. We are so much more alike than we’re led to believe. And the underlying truth that we all share is that we’re all here, alive, just doing our best with what we have. It’s not our job to judge how others play the hand they’ve been dealt.
We all share life. We all share moments of judgement & insecurities. We all share the infinite possibilities of how our lives may unfold. See if this thought process helps you to diffuse the judgement of others. I’d love to hear about your experience.
As always, love & light to you and rest of the week ahead.
Love Amber xx